How to Turn the Page After Heartbreak

One of the questions I can’t ever seem to answer is, “How do you move on from someone you love?” Heartbreak to me is one of the most complex yet profound emotions you can experience. It inspires so much reflection about who you truly are and what you truly want in your life. But it doesn’t make it any less painful. I have gone through some of the most physically painful experiences that one could ever experience — from chemotherapy side effects to ECMO — yet getting my heart broken somehow still feels worse. As I try to dissect what the true meaning of love and heartbreak are, I find myself turning to one thing that always seems to help: books.

Reading has always been my escape throughout my life. I used to sit under my desk when I was little with a flashlight every night; it felt like the one thing I could turn to when I felt so small in the world. I was suddenly transported to these incredibly marvelous fictional worlds that felt so much greater than my own life. Some years I fall off with reading, but it’s always there when I need it the most. Going through treatment for a second time and then getting my heart broken by someone I loved so incredibly much finally felt like the right time where I needed some grounding. I needed something or someone to tell me I would be okay.

So I turned to the beautiful words of authors such as bell hooks, Oscar Wilde, Emily Henry, Suleika Jaouad, and Eve Babitz. It is these books that have inspired me to keep going on, to keep writing, to keep living and loving. Last month I read the powerful insights of bell hooks in All About Love: New Visions. I initially picked up the book because of my undying question to figure out the meaning of the point of love if it just ends in heartbreak.

But what I really discovered after reading hooks’ words is that my whole definition of love had been misconstrued through the years. Unknowingly, I had this belief that I was only complete if I had romantic love; that it was the missing piece of the puzzle of who I am. However, hooks argues that the love we have for our friends, our family, even ourselves, is sometimes more powerful than having a partner.

“When we see love as the will to nurture one’s own or another’s spiritual growth, revealed through acts of care, respect, knowledge, and assuming responsibility, the foundation of all love in our life is the same,” hooks wrote. “There’s no special love exclusively reserved for romantic partners. Genuine love is the foundation of our engagement with ourselves, with family, with friends, with partners, with everyone we choose to love.”

It really got me thinking about the love I do have in my life, the people who are present. My parents and my sister, who show up to every doctor appointment I have and ask how I am every day. My best friends who have seen me through so many phases of life and showed up every time I was in the hospital without me even asking. The love I have for them and vice versa is just as real and strong as a romantic love.

As far as the love I have for myself? That’s definitely more of a struggle, however, it’s a work in progress. Every day I am trying to show up for myself to talk to the people I love and do more of the things I love, such as reading, listening to Taylor Swift, going to the movies more or even writing this very blog post. `The moments when I pick up my journal or read another chapter of a book instead of trying to search for love are just more proof of the love I do have for myself. For the first time in my life, I’m choosing me instead of relying on a relationship to heal me.

If you are like me, constantly searching for the meaning of heartbreak and moving on from someone, I urge you to do one thing that you loved growing up. Whether it be painting, running or maybe even reading, try something you haven’t done in a while, but that has always been a comfort thing you’ve come back to. Not only will it take you back to experiencing some childlike joy, it may cause you to reflect on all the love you do have in your life. Your next chapter still awaits you — even if all the answers aren’t written yet.